Your friends behind These Stone Walls have been relocated to new environments with unforeseen consequences and some challenges ahead, including a painful parting.
Late in the summer of 2016, I was asked by the Editor of Spero News to write an article commemorating the 22nd anniversary of the release of the great prison film, The Shawshank Redemption. Spero News Editor Martin Barillas knew that the movie was released in theatres 22 years earlier in September 1994.
What he didn’t know was that its release was also the same day I was sent to prison. It was Friday, September 23, 1994. So in my spare time between posts for These Stone Walls, I labored to write “The Shawshank Redemption and its Real-World Version.” It was a review of the film, but it also paralleled the plight of its central character, Andy Dufresne, with my own.
If you are among the few who have not seen this memorable film, Andy Dufresne was the innocent defendant-turned-convict who emerged from the pen of Stephen King in his novella, Rita Hayworth and The Shawshank Redemption. It was first published in Different Seasons (Penguin Books) where on its Contents page, it was given a three-word summary: “Hope Springs Eternal.”
Does it? We’ll get back to that. My article contrasted our two prisons – the Maine State Prison that held Andy Dufresne and the New Hampshire State Prison that still holds me. Andy is a fictional character, of course, but he and I have lived parallel lives for going on 23 years. I do not just know him. I am him.
“The Shawshank Redemption and its Real-World Version” contrasts the prison life of Andy and his friend, Red (portrayed in the film by the great Morgan Freeman) with my own imprisonment with Pornchai Moontri, who was also held in the Maine State Prison. Here’s an excerpt:
“Also like Andy Dufresne, I found friendship in prison, one that was the mirror image of Andy’s friendship with Red. Friends and trust are both rare commodities in prison, but like shoots growing from cracks in the urban concrete, the human need for companions defeats all obstacles. Bonds of connection in this place happen on their own terms.”
From the outset, as both Andy Dufresne and I arrived in our respective prisons in 1994, the most debilitating deprivation we faced was the complete and frightening absence of trust. Trust in this setting is so rarely found that its absence can cripple a human spirit and snuff out any hope for redemption.
Life in an American prison might be especially demoralizing and spiritually crippling for a Catholic priest. We tend not to have the same hostile cynicism and dark demeanor shared by most other prisoners. One of the first lessons learned by most here is to trust no one. Exploitation and betrayal lurk at every turn. For most prisoners, no one can be counted on.
I was just not very good at the “trust no one” motif. Over time, prisoners I came to know were always telling me that I am simply too trusting and too optimistic to survive here. There was something about me that left me vulnerable and I didn’t even know it. I was blind to it until I read of it in words placed in the mind of Andy’s friend, Red, by the pen of Stephen King:
“[Andy] had something that most of the other prisoners, myself included, seemed to lack. Call it a sense of equanimity, or a feeling of inner peace, maybe even a constant and unwavering faith that someday the long nightmare would end. Whatever you want to call it, Andy Dufresne always seemed to have his act together. There was none of that sullen desperation about him that seems to afflict most lifers after awhile, you could never smell hopelessness on him.”
LEFT BEHIND
The Shawshank Redemption was a masterful portrayal of how that absence of hopelessness in one man can become like fertile soil in a crack in the prison concrete. From it, Andy Dufresne’s profoundly meaningful friendship with Red emerged, and became the centerpiece of Stephen King’s remarkable prison story.
Our story is no less remarkable. Most TSW readers know of Pornchai Moontri, of his brutal years of solitary confinement in the Maine State Prison’s “Supermax,” of his transfer to New Hampshire where we became friends, and of his Divine Mercy conversion. It’s a story best told in a book by Felix Carroll entitled Loved, Lost, Found: 17 Divine Mercy Conversions.
If you wish to read or reread its chapter entitled “Pornchai Moontri,” Felix Carroll and Marian Press gave us permission to reproduce it at Mercy to the Max. It’s well worth the effort even if only for the photo of Pornchai at age five on the back of a water buffalo in Thailand.
After ten years as cell mates in a safer, saner part of this prison, Pornchai himself once described the contagion of hope that grew from the crack in his armor: “I woke up one day with a future when up to then all I ever had was a past.”
Just a month after I wrote “The Shawshank Redemption and its Real-World Version,” Pornchai and I became swept up in a mass relocation of 120 prisoners here at the end of October, 2016. We were moved from a place of relative calm to the eight-man cells that I thought I left behind 16 years earlier.
The reality of prison became more difficult, more chaotic and unpredictable. I described this move and its consequences for us in one of the most widely-read posts ever on These Stone Walls: “Hebrews 13:3: Writing Just This Side of the Gates of Hell.”
Words could not describe how demoralizing and disappointing it was to land back in a hostile and volatile environment. The only saving grace, as I wrote at the time, was that Pornchai-Max was also moved to the same place, and once we became established for just a day or two, we were able to rescue our young Chinese friend, Kewei Chen, who had been cast among strangers.
When I went to another eight-man cell to get Chen, I found him distraught, overcome with anxiety, and covered in an outbreak of stress-induced hives. He cried when I told him to pack his things and come with me because he is moving in with us. This all took place in the last two weeks of October 2016.
We were told that Pornchai and I were on a list to be moved again to a far better place in just a matter of days. So we did not “move in.” We just lived out of trash bags (the prison version of a suitcase) that held our belongings. Day after day we expected another move to happen, but it didn’t happen. As the days turned to weeks and months, we did not press the issue because we did not want to again leave Chen stranded.
When Chen finally left us for deportation to China (see “Stone Walls Cannot Repel Our Sadness or Contain Our Joy”), we were both glad and sad to see him leave, but now we were free to press for our own departure from the overcrowded and unlivable turmoil from which we gave him shelter.
I had to inquire carefully about assurances that had previously been made to us. Here, as in The Shawshank Redemption, we live in a system that places no value on human companionship. As many more months wore on, Pornchai and I feared that we may never see a better place, or, worse, that one of us may be moved and the other not.
The heartbreaks we fear can sometimes seem like self-fulfilling prophecies. On Tuesday, July 18 at 1:30 PM, I was summoned from my job in the prison library and told that I must return to my unit. When I arrived, I was handed trash bags and told to pack quickly and be ready to move to the “South” unit in an hour.
I convinced the officer to also call Pornchai out of work. After eleven years, I did not want him to return and simply find me inexplicably gone. This was a tough time for us. There was no opportunity to process anything, to deal with the deeply-felt anxiety of separation and loss. We loaded everything I own – which isn’t much – onto a push cart.
Pornchai pushed the cart and made me carry my typewriter which he sees as sort of our instrument of communication with the outside world. “If it breaks,” he said, “we’re doomed!” After a long walk across the prison yard and up a series of ramps, we proceeded past a high wall and were admitted through a sliding gate to Medium Custody South. It’s a place in this prison I had never before seen in the 23 years I have been here.
I felt a little like Dorothy Gale stepping out of Kansas into the Land of Oz. After 23 years trapped inside in overcrowded oppression, this new place promised freedom of movement and unfettered access to a huge walled outside area like a park. I was told that I could come and go as I pleased. Wow!
Pornchai had also never seen this place. As we pushed the cart toward the main building, an officer stepped out and told me where to go. It was a climb up eight flights of stairs – 48 in all – to the top floor of what looks like a giant motel. After 23 years in a dungeon, the notion of stepping into the free and open air at any time of day or night was staggering. My first thought was that Pornchai will love it here.
Then the other shoe dropped when the officer who assigned my quarters stepped out again. He told Pornchai that he had been on a list to also come there on the next day, but something unknown happened to change that, and now he is slated to be moved somewhere else. I asked the officer if this could be changed. He said only “I’ll see what I can do.”
I watched as Pornchai departed with the empty cart to return alone to the awful place I thought we had both left behind. I slept not a wink that night in an overflow bunk out in the open day room where I would await cell space with some stranger in this new place. I was starting over, and deeply sad for Pornchai.
THE MEMORARE
The next morning in the prison Library, someone told me that Pornchai was packing his things in Hancock Building. From a top floor across the prison complex, I watched from a silent distance as he pushed his cart up the same series of ramps. If he turned left at the top, then the officer from the day before was able to alter the outcome. I prayed for Pornchai to turn left.
But he turned right and was gone from my sight. He had no idea that I was watching, but even from that distance I could see and feel his despondence. No one ever moves between those two places. Pornchai was lost to me.
Except for the following Sunday morning at Mass. That was the one hour in the week in which I would see him, but we would have only moments to speak. Last week in “Saint Maximilian Kolbe and the Gift of Noble Defiance,” I told readers that Pornchai and I were moved – me to one place and he to another. I prayed for a happier ending that now seemed impossible. In Stephen King’s The Shawshank Redemption, Red said of the sudden absence of Andy:
“You become accustomed to someone who is a part of your life. The place where you live is that much more drab and empty for his absence.”
Another week came and went, and another Sunday we met at Mass. After Communion, I asked our Patron Saint, Maximilian Kolbe, to guide us through this maze of prison. I prayed that Pornchai would be placed under the mantle of the Immaculate, and not lose hope. I showed him the Memorare prayer, and as I held it in front of me we prayed it silently:
“Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, our Mother. To you do we come, before you do we stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer us. Amen.”
The next day, Monday, I heard that Pornchai was moved into a permanent cell with a new room mate in the place where they had put him. I felt in my heart that we had lost this latest assault in the spiritual warfare that strains and oppresses our hope. Trust is hard won here, and trust in Divine Mercy – which often seems so elusive – is harder won still.
But this is what makes turning this next page so improbable, so unexpected and seemingly miraculous. Such things simply never happen here. Three days after praying the Memorare that Sunday at Mass, with two full weeks having passed since our parting, I returned to my new quarters to find Pornchai Moontri living once again in the bunk above me. I cannot explain the how or why of it, and neither can he.
I can only tell you that this was the result of a bizarre and unlikely series of behind-the-scenes events, with just the right people in just the right places at just the right times doing just the right things. Over a two day period, Pornchai found himself living in three different places until – through no effort of our own – he landed with me.
But there are other reasons – urgent reasons – why this story and its outcome shook the earth under our feet. In months to come, I will tell you the rest of a story that will leave you breathless about all that we have endured and all that the amazing grace of Divine Mercy has brought into being. Stephen King was right in his description of The Shawshank Redemption “Hope Springs Eternal.”
“But during the night an angel of the Lord opened the prison doors, brought them out, and said, ‘Go stand in the temple and tell the people the whole message about this life.’” (Acts of the Apostles 5:19-20)
Editor’s Note: For more inspiration about the plight of our friends behind These Stone Walls, you may like the following:
- At Play in the Field of the Lord
- I Come to the Catholic Church for Healing and Hope
- Coming Home to the Catholic Faith I Left Behind
- Knock and the Door Will Open: Divine Mercy in Bangkok Thailand
Helen McMahon says
Deo Gratias! Oh Father, what a relief! I had conjured up all sorts of scenarios, especially with regard to your health, when no posting appeared this past Tuesday. . . However this anxiety resulted in several Holy Masses being offered for you and Pornchai and requests to my fellow prayer warriors, especially on Our Lady’s two Feast Days, to remember you. The delay simply increases our anticipation for your next post! With prayerful affection to you both,
Helen M.
Father Gordon J. MacRae says
These comments are wonderful and we very much cherish and appreciate the marvelous support we receive from the readers of These Stone Walls. You are all amazing! A lot of readers have contacted me to ask why there is no post this week. I spent an entire week writing one and got it in the mail to Father Byers for scanning, but two weeks later it still has not arrived and so we had nothing to put up. I fortunately saved a copy of it and sent it to him again so it should be up next Wednesday. It is disheartening to spend so much time writing just to have it disappear but such is life sometimes behind these stone walls. In the meantime, Pornchai and I are still reveling in our (sort of) freedom. I am outside a lot, climbing stairs a lot, and I think our friend Chen would be behind me telling me to “move it” if he were here. Pornchai and I heard from Chen last week. He still misses us and we miss him but we helped to win his freedom and that is something that I think all of Heaven smiles at. With love and blessings to all, Father Gordon MacRae.
Maria Stella says
I think there are many things that you and Pornchai- Max have done and which “all of heaven smiles at ” Fr. G. …Helping Chen achieve his physical freedom is only one those many.
I am so very glad you are able to sunrises…
Prayers continue for you and Pornchai-Max.
Helen says
How wonderful to see your current words, Fr. Gordon. It’s been a busy time but I never stop thinking about you and how you are doing. I am so thankful that the Lord has granted you and Max some sense of togetherness, freedom and the ability to go out and catch some vitamin D, sun, and FRESH air.
I hope that you’re feeling well and doing much better. Please take care of YOU. YOU are the ONLY YOU we have!!! Thank you for your undying tenacity in all that you do.
Sure do miss you.
Helen
Arkanabar T'verrick Ilarsadin says
All praise and glory to our God, and thanks to our Blessed Mother for carrying this petition to Him.
The trick to getting your prayers answered with a “yes” is to ask for the right thing, that which will lead to the greatest authentic good. Father Gordon, you have nailed it this time.
marie says
Beautiful! I was weeping by the end.
Praise God. And what a Mother He has given us!
marie
Carolyn Gerardi says
What a wonderful story of hope; I had to read it twice.
Elizabeth Leurer says
Thank you Fr. Gordon for this post. I have not seen my son for almost eight years, and this gives
me such hope. May God bless you! You are in my daily prayers.
Chen says
Hello, Father! I did cry when I was leaving you guys…. I am so happy that you and Ponch are in the same place again, and only you can make him get away from the trouble now… I have talked about you and Ponch with my parents. They always think about you guys, you helped me a lot, I mean a lot! I told my parents that you are my family too, you know what they said? They said of course, they have been by your side, and never left! I miss you!
Love
Chenski
Therese Noecker says
WOW!!!!! That is all I can say except that this wonderful story has renewed my waning faith!
Barbara Maclellan says
I am overjoyed and Yes I needed to hear a miracle too. I am sooo happy for you both and God knows you are always in my prayers esp. at Adoration which I do go to quite often each week. The simple joy of having coffee with a friend and see the sun rise ……please pray for my family to come back to the sacraments and one son is just lost. Drugs and all that goes with it. But this is supposed to be a happy note for you and Pornchai. Again I know Miracles can happen.I think of you often.
Joe Corvino says
Praise GOD. Thank You JESUS!!! Pornchai! Mom and I are sitting here with tears in our eyes reading Charlene’s post of You and Father Gordon being able to sit in a “Park type Setting” being able to drink coffee and watch the sun rise is a Miracle in itself!! To be able to sit on a summer evening is such a Blessing. I’m sorry we missed both your calls. I will keep my cell phone on and litteraly in ear shot. We Love and Miss You son. I hope you received my letter about Uncle John. Love to you and FATHER Gordon, Love ,Dad and Mom
Claire Dion says
Fr. Gordon–Does this mean you will be able of have Mass in your cell?
Hugs to you and Max.
Ryan A. MacDonald says
Knowing your story very well, and knowing much of the story that you are not able to tell about Pornchai-Max, I have also come to know over the years the nature of your prison. Knowing what I know, I am absolutely astounded by the utter miracle that concludes this post. I wonder if your readers appreciate that this could not have happened in that place without Divine Intervention. I have written down the Memorare Prayer and I now take it very, very seriously.
Tom says
I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster you and Max were on over the last few months. Thank God for the happy ending to this chapter of Shawshank Redemption: New Hampshire Unit!
Peter Haas says
Dear Fr. Mac Rae –
Another “amazing” story. When I think about my faith and how little I am tested and compare it to the faith you and Pornchai have in spite of your circumstances, I am humbled. I pray for you every day. I started the Novena to St. John Vianney 9 days before his feast day on August 4 and have been praying it ever since for you. Maybe I need to start praying to St. St. Maximilian Kolbe!
Ronald June says
Fr. Gordon you recounted a miracle for us at a time when I needed to hear of one happening , now, in our day. Thank you for helping my faith to kindle more. You, Pornchai-Max, Michael Cerisi and all others are in my prayers.
BEA says
What an amazing turn of events! Thank you for sharing this experience. Can’t wait to hear more next week!
You and Pornchai are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mary Liz says
Awesome story of faith and trust, hope, and disappointment. Thank you, Fr. for sharing this with us. I love a story with a twist and a hook ending. This is your story. God bless you and your buddy, Pornchai.
Liz says
There is always hope; that is what I see in this post!
I cannot get over how difficult this must have been and how wonderful too.
I’m so happy to read this, and our prayers for you will never cease!
God bless and keep you both.
Annie Karto says
Dear Fr. Gordon and Pornchai,
The Blessed Mother heard your prayers! And ours for you both. I have not written in awhile, but you both are in my prayers! Fr. Gordon, I know how much it must mean for you to have your coffee outside! Praise God! Your heartbreaking blogs continue to minister to us all, and remind us to be grateful for all that God has given us. I will continue to pray through the intercession of Our Lady….. Our Lady of Victory, that the final victory of your freedom will be soon…
Anthony says
I pray for you and Pornchai every day. Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit!
Mary Ann says
What a beautiful and inspirational sharing of Gods goodness. He never will be outdone in generosity. He is so lovingly a personal God who cares deeply for His children.
I cannot wait to hear the next part of this beautiful story Father.
Thank you for sharing. God Bless
G
Fr. Chuck says
M+ Never underestimate the power of a woman…especially when that woman is the Mother of God.
Eileen says
So very happy for you both! The power of the Memorare is breathtaking. As others have said, I cannot wait to hear the entire story. Prayers for more miracles for you and Pornchai.
Eileen
Patricia Katagiri says
Thank you, Mother Mary, for answering the prayer of Father and P-Max and bringing them together again. Please continue to listen and answer the many prayers said for them.
Mary Ann says
Dear Father Gordon,
My heart was breaking as I read of the horrible separation between you and Pornchai. But what a beautiful ending and what testimony to the power of prayer! God bless you both!
Carol Hall says
GOD and Our Blessed Mother Mary answered your prayers for both you and Pornchai!! So glad to hear the great news that both of you are united again. This arrangement should be everlasting until you both are FREE!!
You are in my prayers daily!
Carol in Ohio
Charlene says
I was on the telephone with Fr Gordon when suddenly he sounded different and said, “Somebody just came by and said Pornchai is moving over here. That can’t be.” And almost immediately he blurted, “Say hello to someone!” And it was my Godson Pornchai! I think Fr. Gordon was overcome with emotion and had to hand the phone to Pornchai. He could not believe the unbelievable had happened. He was so happy at this turn of events. I praised God and all the saints we all had been praying to. Fr Gordon kept saying, “This never happens!” I said it happens when prayer warriors storm Heaven. He feels almost as if he has been released from bondage.
Fr Gordon begins his day by going outside with a cup of coffee to see the sun rise. He has not been able to do that for 23 years. He and Pornchai can sit outside and talk until late at night.The officers who guard them are correct and polite. Neither Fr. Gordon nor Pornchai had any idea that such a place existed in the prison. Let us say a special prayer thanking our Lord and His Mother, Saint Maximilian and other saints for this well-deserved taste of Heaven for two saints-in-training!
Maria Stella says
This is so wonderful, wonderful to hear, Charlene. Thank you for giving us more details in addition to Fr. G’s great post.
Fr.Gordon, you and Pornchai-Max are in my daily prayers. Especially now for your medical needs as per Fr. George’s posts on his blog.
Sending love and prayers your way…
Frances South says
Thank you so much for this additional information, Charlene.
Kathy Maxwell says
Oh Charlene, it is so wonderful! Oh having a happy cry.
Monsignor Michael says
Charlene, this is just so good to hear ! I just home that this “expanded prison-freedom” is a prelude to something greater ! How great it must be to take that cup of coffee in the morning and see the sun rise ! Saints-in-training indeed: models for all of us !
Mary Fran says
WOW! WOW! WOW! Wonders never cease. Having free access to the outside must be like heaven. And to be able to share it with a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a reason for celebration. I will say a Te Deum after Mass in the morning for sure.
Liz says
Charlene, thank you! I was feeling guilty just this morning because I saw a pretty sunrise, but it was an ugly setting and I thought it was sad and then I suddenly remembered how they couldn’t ever watch the sun rise. Now when I see one I can rejoice that they can too. God bless you for all that you do for them! Thanks be to God for this happy turn of events! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Liz says
p.s. My kids are asking if the meals are any better? We’ve been worried about the meals.
Monsignor Michael says
Dear Gordon,
How happy I am for you and for Pornchai…also for this new place which offers you this possibility of coming and going in this new area with a “park-like” place. The Blessed Mother indeed is watching over both of you. As always be assured of my prayer…The Memorare is indeed a powerful prayer !
Fraternally yours,
Monsignor Michael
Fr. Joe Coffey says
Fr. Gordon,
Amazing story. Prayers are always answered, sometimes in a way that gives us incredible joy. All we can say is thank you Lord and our Blessed Mother.
I will keep praying for your vindication and freedom. Semper fidelis.
Fr. Joe
Maria says
Praise God! I am so glad you and Pornchai are together again.
Ina says
PRAISE THE LORD and Thank you, BLESSED MOTHER. Prayers continue for you both and many around the world. God Bless and keep you both safe. Ina
pauline O'Callaghan says
Fr. Gordon and Pornchai: Like all your readers, I too, had tears in my eyes as I read each line of today’s post. I was almost afraid to read each successive line. What joy I felt, and thanks, but what almost interminable suffering for you both.
I had very recently started a novena to St. Joseph, entitled, Go To Joseph,( The Holy Cloak of St. Joseph, 30 days devotion), and both of you were included in my prayers. Now, I must pray in thanksgiving.
johanna donovan says
Dear Father Gordon,
I am so very pleased for both of you. Thank you, dear Blessed Mother.
K says
Thank you, Jesus!
Our Lady, St. Maximilian Kolbe, ora pro nobis!
Sharon Morris. Ohio says
Thank you., Fr Gordon and Pornchai.
Frances South says
Thank God for the good news for you both. Thank God for your faith. Thank God for all the people praying for you. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Patricia Gubala says
God bless you and Max, words cannot express how much these posts mean to all of us.
Praying for you both and all prisoners.
Heb. 13:3
Philip Nachazel says
A “Mom” with connections intervenes for her two sons. What a mom we have, our Immaculata.
The Memorare prayer and Alphonse Ratisbonne….one of St. Maximilian Kolbe’s favorite conversion stories. This prayer is a mountain mover. Expect miracles!
Our Lady is walking each and every step with us. She is at our side.
Rejoice that our Great God is so merciful to us that He shares his masterpiece with us…His mother.
Fr. Gordon and Pornchai.
Your never far from the queen of Peace. Only a prayer away.
Felipe says
The Memorare is extraordinary indeed. I have a sibling (“A”) that struggled “forever” with an addiction until “A” gave up “trying” and started praying. – which was, in itself, a miraculous thing to happen, and it began with a single Memorare. So astonishing and sudden was Our Blessed Mother’s intercession for “A”, that another sibling (“B”) whose marriage was in absolute ruin, took immediate recourse to Our Lady. This same sibling told me, after her intercession in “B’s” marriage, that, “I said to her (BVM) you helped “A”, please help me!”
So many pray-ers, so many intercessions.
M says
Dear Father G
I am overjoyed for you and Pornchai. How awesomely powerful is our Blessed Mother!
Always in my prayers
M
Ronald June says
I am simply in awe that the seemingly impossible happened and you and Pornchai-Max were ‘re-United. What a powerful prayer must be the Memorare. Thank you Fr. for sharing this wonderful happening with us. I look forward to more of this story.
Clare says
God will never be outdone in his generosity and he has surely heard the many prayers being said for you and Pornchai. This is an amazing story – cant wait for you to tell the rest of it – in the fullness of time.