An MIT astrophysicist trying to reconcile science with a quest for spiritual truth wrote upon the death of his parents, “I wish I believed.” I believe he just might.
When These Stone Walls was just a few months old back in 2009, I wrote a post about the death of my mother. It told a story about an event that occurred on her birthday a year after she died. At first glance it seemed an ordinary event, the sort of thing usually chalked up to coincidence. But its meaning and timing and how it unfolded made it extraordinary beyond comprehension. It required that I set aside the mathematical odds of such a thing and see it foremost in the light of faith.
It remains to this day a pivotal moment, a wondrous event that shook my faith out of the closet of doubt where I tend to store it when times get rough – which is often. The story told in that post may shake you, too, if it hasn’t already. By that, I do not mean that it will challenge your faith. It’s just the opposite. My story lifted for me a corner of the veil between doubt and belief. So the title I gave it was “A Corner of the Veil.”
My friend, Pornchai Moontri was with me that night when the event occurred while I offered Mass in our prison cell. It was ten years ago. I asked Pornchai if he remembers it. “How could I forget it?” he said. He described it as an “ordinary miracle,” the kind he says he has seen a lot of since his eyes were opened.
I could repeat the whole story here, but it will take too long and I have written it once already. it is but a mere click away. I will link to it again after this post. You can decide for yourself whether the story it tells is mere coincidence or something more. My analytic brain tends toward coincidence, but sometimes that just doesn’t add up. This was one of those times.
I then came upon a strange little book of fiction by Laurence Cossé first published in French as Le Coin du Voile, and in English, A Corner of the Veil (Scribner 1999). It fell at my feet from a library shelf after my post with the same title.
Laurence Cossé was a journalist for Radio France when she wrote this book described by Notre Dame theologian Ralph McInerney as “a theological thriller that makes a mystery out of the absence of mystery.” It is a spellbinding account of what happens to the people and institutions of Church and State when a manuscript surfaces that irrefutably proves the existence of God.
Science, religion, and politics all transform as their experts ponder its meaning and their own continued relevancy. The reader is left to wonder whether the discovery will spark a new era of harmony or launch the final battle of the apocalypse.
“Six pages further, Father Bertrand was trembling. The proof was neither arithmetical nor physical nor esthetical nor astronomical, it was irrefutable. Proof of God’s existence had been achieved. Bertrand was tempted, for a second, to toss the bundle into the wastebasket.” (p 15)
As it does for people who awaken to faith on a personal level, the discovery immediately altered the way its readers face both life and death. The transformation was astonishing. Death came to be seen not as an entity unto itself, but as it really is a chapter in the continuity of life, of me, of the person I call my self-integrated into the Great Tapestry of God.
I happen to know a lot of people whose experience of living is suddenly overshadowed by the prospect of dying. They have come to know that death is drawing nearer day by day. Some of them struggle. What does death mean, and why do we wage such war against it? The age of individualism and relativism distorts death into a fearsome enemy. As Dylan Thomas wrote,
“Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light.”
IF THAT’S ALL THERE IS, THEN LET’S KEEP DANCING!
While writing this post, I received a letter from a reader in Ohio who asked me to write a note of encouragement to a friend whose death is drawing near. After a lifetime of faith, he wrote, the friend is having grave doubts and fears about the end of life and the finality of death. He is asking the age-old question put to song: “Is that all there is?”
But that is our problem. We speak in terms of “finality” as though when faced with death, all that we once believed with hope takes on the trappings of a mere children’s fantasy. I know too many people who are dying, and many of us treat it as the silent elephant in the room because we know that sooner or later we will join them just as our parents did before us. It is part of the flow of life, but we ward it off as a terror in the night. In the face of death, science alone comes up empty.
When you think of it, death is best seen as an act of love. Imagine the inherent selfishness of a humanity without death. Those we love the most in this world – those who fulfill our very purpose for being in this world – would be left out of existence if this life were ours alone to keep. But facing death with no life of faith casts both life and death into a formless void without meaning.
I recently came across a review of a book by noted MIT physicist and astronomer Alan Lightman entitled Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine (Pantheon 2018). It was reviewed by UMass physics professor Alan Hirshfeld in “A Longing for Truth and Meaning” in The Wall Street Journal April 7-8, 2018).
In some previous science posts on These Stone Walls, I have cited both writers for other books and articles they have written. Mr. Lightman’s book, and Mr. Hirshfeld’s review of it, both raise provocative questions about “the core mysteries of human life” and the way science explores the Universe:
“Why are we here? What, if anything, is the meaning of existence? Is there a God? Is there life after death? Whence consciousness?”
I am very happy to see science ponder these questions, but they can never be answered by science alone. It comes up short when the task moves beyond the mere physics and chemistry of life to its meaning and purpose. Consider this explanation of the self, of who and what you are as a conscious being, offered by Mr. Lightman:
“Self is the name we give to the mental sensation of certain electrical and chemical flows in our neurons.”
It is too tempting for science to reduce us to fundamental biology and chemistry, but the mere mechanics of what I am do not at all define who I am. If science is the only contribution to the meaning of life and death, then it becomes obvious why so many spend significant time in denial or in dread of death.
In his new book reflecting on the Cosmos, MIT astrophysicist Alan Lightman takes up these questions and more. Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine is a view of the world through a scientist’s lens which requires him to see in it, as Alan Hirshfeld describes,
“Tangible bits of matter and energy, all governed by a set of fundamental physical laws… In keeping with his ‘Central Doctrine of Science,’ he eschews unprovable hypotheses, most significantly the existence of God and the afterlife.”
But these hypotheses are only unprovable from the point of view of science which concerns itself, as it concerns astrophysicist Alan Lightman, with matter and energy and fundamental laws. But Professor Lightman has acquired the wisdom not to stop there. His reflection on the death of his parents brings him to the “impossible truth” that they no longer exist, and he will one day follow them into this nonexistence.
Is that all there is? “I wish I believed,” he wrote. But “a precipice looms for each of us, an eventual plunge into nonexistence.” As Alan Hirshfeld described it:
“A depressing prospect, for sure, yet the inevitable judgment of those for whom religious or spiritual alternatives carry no resonance.”
THREADS OF THE TAPESTRY OF GOD
I have written numerous articles about the sciences of astronomy and cosmology, the origins and mechanics of the Universe. But these are not the only tools with which to explore the universe and measure life and death. The conclusions of science and faith are not as inseparable as science might have you believe.
I have raised this analogy before, but consider these two passages from two sources that have become meaningful to me. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC 296) expresses a fundamental truth of faith God created the Universe and life “out of nothing.”
Among the many contributions of science that I hold in high regard, this is one by the mathematician Robyn Arianrhod whose book, Einstein’s Heroes: Imaging the World Through the Language of Mathematics (Oxford University 2005) draws the same conclusion. Don’t let the scientific language dissuade you from understanding this phenomenal bridge between science and faith:
“The Belgian priest and astrophysicist, Georges Lemaitre began to develop expanding cosmological models out of Einstein’s equations… In 1931, Lemaitre formally sowed the seeds of the Big Bang theory [which] showed that Einstein’s equations predicted the universe had expanded not from a tiny piece of matter located in an otherwise empty cosmos, but from a single point in four-dimensional spacetime… Before this point, about 13 billion years ago, there was no time and no space. No geometry, no matter. Nothing. The universe simply appeared out of nowhere. Out of nothing.” (Arianrhod, pp 185-187)
Reflecting on the death of his parents, Alan Lightman wrote that he wished he believed in the continuity of life after death. It could be at least a starting point that sometimes science and faith share some of the same language and conclusions about the origin of life. Faith, to have any real depth, is not simply an emotional experience to assuage our fears, but rather one arrived at also through reason. Catholicism presents 2,000 years of faith seeking understanding, of belief built upon reason.
And sometimes reason just cannot explain away our intuition that life has an Author. I am intrigued by Professor Hirshfeld’s use of the term, “resonance” for I have also used it in some recent posts. I have described it as a sort of echo that finds its way among the”threads of the Tapestry of God” in ways that give life meaning and purpose, in ways that connect us. One way spiritual resonance manifests itself is by giving meaning to suffering.
Consider this stunning action of spiritual resonance that I once described in my post, “The Science of Creation and a Tale of Two Priests.” After researching and writing about the science of cosmology, the origin of the Universe, I discovered that Father Georges Lemaitre, Father of the Big Bang and Modern Cosmology was an intimate family friend of Pornchai Moontri’s Belgian Godfather, Pierre Matthews.
I live with the Godson of the Godson of the very Father of Modern Cosmology! The mathematical odds against this are… well… astronomical!
And yes, that is unscientific, but science would be the first realm to hold that there are elemental forces in the Universe that require specific receptors to detect them. No one can “think” the existence of God, but I can, and have, intuited it. We all have if we’re prepared to be honest with ourselves, and this receptivity of spiritual intuition exists in humanity for a reason. It shapes both life and death.
It is a long time since I have viewed with awe the expanse of our galaxy spanning the night sky in all its brilliance, but like Alan Lightman, I have done so, and find it unforgettable. He is on the right track, and may one day come to see that the awe it instills in him is not the awe of science alone. “I wish I believed,” he wrote. I hope he will. I think he just may one day. It is, after all a matter of life and death.
Now, if you haven’t already, please go have a close look at “A Corner of the Veil.”
Editor’s Note Journey among the stars with these other posts from These Stone Walls:
- The March for Life and the People on the Planet Next Door
- Science Makes a Case for God and Respect for Life
And prepare for the Solemnity of Pentecost with these memorable posts from These Stone Walls:
Alan Catelli says
Several thoughts.
First the opening line of the post about “I want to beleive” by Lightman. I read once in lt late 80’s an Newsweek article about Carl Sagan, in it they quoted a friend of his who was an evangelical. They were social friends this man and his wife along with Sagan and his wife. The converstations about God would begin with something like this
Sagan had said “I can’t beleive I have to know, I have to have proof of God.”
The man said “Carl, do you love your wife?” this was done while the 4 of them men and their wives were all doing something, maybe playing bridge maybe having dinner. I don’t recall all of the details. The response was what one would expect. Carl Sagan affirmed that he did love his wife. The friend then said “Prove it.”
Carl attempted to, but each statement about how this action or that action was resolved back to a “you could be doing that to get something in return from her, and thus isn’t love but a form of manipulation.” The friend relented, with the point made. Some things are but can’t be proven by science. What struck me about this was it was a good way to show this. Carl Sagan must have liked it also. In the movie “Contact” based on his book, Matthew McConaughey’s character (some sort of NewAge version of a christian minister) asks that same question to Jodie Foster’s character(atheistic scientist).
“Do you love your Father?” McConaughey
“Yes of course!” Foster
“Prove it” McConaughey
Second, ‘Science’ isn’t considering these questions. Scientists are. Science is a method and system that can answer many questions provided it can measure something. Those something being a mass, a distance, a time or a mathematical relationship involving those. Anything outside of those, that isn’t subjected to them, it can not measure and therefore can make no definitive statements on.
Pierre Matthews says
Fr. Gordon,
Allow me to also lift a cornerof the veil, uncovering how Our Lord has masterminded our lives, yours and mine.
You refer to astronomical odds how intensely and unexpectedly Jesus is intimately involved with us.
Rephrasing what you wrote, no giga computer could so finely and timely synch managed our respective life.
Even before you were born, I was guided (b.1934), as a teenager in a coalmining town, in Southern Belgium. God had on his agenda two exceptional priests for me to meet. As an adult, I crossed many oceans and continents. In Spring 2005, Dorothy Rabinowitz published a two-part story about a priest falsely accused and sentenced to 37 years in prison. Deeply shaken by this injustice, my wife (+2009) and I committed ourselves to support inmate 67546, you. Two years later, I drove to Concord, NH. During our conversation, I dropped the names of 2 priests I had met about 50 years ago: Fr. George Lemaitre, astronomer at the Catholic University of Louvain, Belgium and Padre Pio, a capuchin brother, having the Stigmata in San Giovanni Rotondo, Italy. I remember your utter amazement and excitement at hearing these two names. At once, you understood the hidden revelation I had just transmitted to you totally unaware and unconscious of acting as the Lord’s messenger. For months I attempted to dissect this providential “coincidence”. Characterizing the mystery of this event as a coincidence is offensive to the God of Love, of incomprehensible Love. He had elected me, a sinner, to penetrate this prison, to share His Cross with you and Padre Pio’s Stigmata and the people surrounding you, as Charlene who became, with me, Pornchai’s godparents, at his baptism in 2011.
Deo gratias.
Helen says
Father Gordon, it’s hard for me to believe that I could not get to comment until now, on this wonderful, thought-provoking, spiritual post…my birthday! I almost felt it special because of it but circumstances, being as crazy as they can get, prevented me from commenting on this on that very day. I couldn’t muster up the time to do so.
You know, as strange as it feels, as I was finishing the reading, I became aware of a fleeting, very strange conviction of sin in my life. Nothing in particular, but the acute awareness of the disgusting fact that I do have sin in my life…and the concupiscence that goes with it. Perhaps because you talk about life and death and the ‘hereafter’. It happened so quickly I almost missed it.
Another point that supported my thought was, although I say now I believe and even feel that my death will end up in the arms of Jesus, it makes me wonder, if, in the very moment itself, will I be afraid that ‘that’s all there is’?
I will say one thing; this post surely has me quite aware of my thoughts and my own spirituality. Is it time for a spiritual house cleaning? Well, I hope that I have the gift of the Holy Spirit while doing so. He can get in the corners so much easier than I.
God bless your wonderful post, and blessing us with your writing Forgive me for being so tardy in responding … as I go to your next post: “The Corner of the Veil”.
Monica Harris says
My father, a Catholic convert at age 20, knew he was dying the summer of 2012. We talked about death, and he asked if I ever felt that complete void—that this is all there is, and once you die—>poof. (He was a pathologist who would sometimes dream about performing an autopsy on his dead body!)
I told him, yes, two or three times I had woken up from sleep with a sense of total despair and nothingness, I knew exactly what he was saying. I pray never again to experience that absence of all that is Eternal, and Good, and Beautiful, but maybe at times I will. This is when we really depend on God to spark Himself in us, when we are the most empty. Now, I know with the Grace of God my doubts will pass, but as people confront their physical death, their sensors may finally intuit the presence of that Loving God Who knew them before they were conceived physically. Or not.
LIghtman’s description of the moment of awe and Unity with a Loving Creator is so beautiful. He is on the “right track” as you say, Father MacRae.
But Faith can’t be forced into people, believe me I have tried :). And I have begged God to lift the corner of the veil for others, as I’m sure many readers here have done as well.
Faith is a total Gift and the way we can thank God for even a tiny bit of it is to pray that He keeps working in us to share it, as you most certainly do, dear Father MacRae. You also Confirm it by your strength and witness.
Thank you, and Blessed Pentecost to you and your faithful ones.
Anastacia Claverol says
For all that I have been expereinced with the whole of my life,now that I am 65 years old.I have no doubt GOD’S EXISTENCE HE IS ALL THE TIME EXIST….I HAVE A GIFT FROM HIM. Thank you Father G.
Kelly says
Faith and despair- the two ends of the continuum of existence. On one side, there is the absolute acceptance of God; on the opposite end, no cognition or recognition of any higher power – absolute acceptance of life limited to the physical plane.
For believers, or at least for me, I have moved back and forth on this continuum but even in the darkest moments when I cursed God and His seemingly inaction in times of great distress, I was saved from utter despair. Each of us must answer the question, “does God exist?” I have always answered “yes” even when circumstances would tempt me to scream “NO”. The ironic truth is God exists whether or not I believe in Him. He is the Alpha and the Omega. That is a truth I cannot escape or deny so I continue in pursuit until the veil is lifted and true equilibrium of mind, body, and spirit unite with the One who has been there from the beginning, is now and forever will be!
Malcolm says
Hi Father Gordon,
It’s now many years since I was a high school student in an Anglican (Episcopalian) church school in Sydney, Australia, where I was taught mathematics – “maths” for us in Australia; “math” for you in the United States – in the final two years by my dear old Dad, now long gone. One of his pet expressions, always said in an imitation of the 17th century English of the King James Version of the Bible, was, “The Lord thy God is a mathematical God.” He meant it quite genuinely.
As you say, modern astrophysics owes a great debt to Fr. Georges Lemaître, who essentially laid the foundation for the Big Bang Theory – the cosmological one, not the sitcom. I find it truly amazing that, in this Universe some 13.8 billion years old, we humans have come into the fullness of our intellect at just the time when the Moon, whose orbit is gradually but inexorably moving further out from the Earth, has almost exactly the same angular diameter as the Sun, just perfect for observation of eclipses. And this played a very important part in the initial development of the mathematical physics (still under construction!) by which we now understand the Universe. So God breathed into us soul and mind at the very time when we’re best placed to understand the intrinsically mathematical Universe – just think of all the laws of physics! – that He created. Wow!
But it’s not just the “big picture” things. Having come into the Catholic Church in 2012 through the RCIA, I have continued with my parish’s RCIA team. In this lead-up to Pentecost Sunday, we had a missioning discussion with our most recent RCIA “graduates”, which was also attended by two “cradle Catholics” who chose to journey with us for spiritual renewal. One of these mentioned having recently met a very lonely, fragile lady, and establishing a rapport with her. Just a few days later, she came across this same lady in a car accident. Our renewal journeyer happened to be in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, just when needed the most.
It may be that some things are mere coincidences, but there is so much that happens that seems to be God working in our lives. I truly believe that the awe of the Universe, both in big picture things and the very little, is just another way of leading us to God.
With my best wishes, and prayers for both yourself and Pornchai,
Malcolm
Domingo says
That ‘resonance’ will be spelled as ‘gift’ if only we are honest with ourselves, like what Fr G said. That gift will not be a Godincidence as Maryjean put it because it is just like that: a gift from this good God Who has loved each one of us from all eternity. To explicitate that last statement is also, very certainly, a gift.
And what’s the gift? FAITH
Funny but I was just skimming through Fr Anselm’s fides quarens intellectum at 3 AM today. Another Godincidence?
Requesting for your priestly blessing for me and my family, Fr Gordon,
Domingo
Karen Linsmayer says
Where does the death of one of the accusers leave your case. I just can’t believe the Warden was one of the prosecuting attorneys on your case. Am I right about that. We need to pray that the hard hearted hearts of your persecutors will soften and find God. I’m not a very consistent pray-er, but I do say the Memorare for you almost every night. May God Bless you and keep you safe.
Karen L.
claire says
Fr. Gordon–Half way through reading this post I was guided to read your past post “A Corner of the Veil” I had read it when it first came out years ago but wanted to read it again. It was painful to read as Mothers Day has just past and the joy of celebrating is still fresh in my mind and heart. This post made my heart ache for both you and your mother and I also saw the deep love between you both and the way God touched your hearts.
I love that you connect past posts that can be clicked on and read and I frequently do so. I agree with MaryJean that there are only Godincidences. I see them all around me and frequently leave me in awe.
Sorry that this comment is not about todays post but I will write one after I have finished reading it. I may have to read it twice as there is a lot to think about. You amaze me with what you can do in a cell on a typewriter. Betting you do not have spellcheck or cut and paste.
Sending hugs and prayers.
MaryJean Diemer says
Hi Father Gordon!
Because of all of the Godincidences there can be no coincidence! I pray for those that have not received the gift of faith yet. Receiving that gift is absolutely an aha moment.
Sending love and prayers to you all! Jeannie