In the papal Conclave underway this week, Cardinal electors have but one central task: to discern the successor of Peter the Holy Spirit has already chosen.
“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail; and when you have turned again, strengthen your brethren.” (Luke 22:31-32)
“The future is ours; the future belongs to God.” (Benedict the Beloved, Pope Emeritus)
I am struggling to write this post. In fact, we very nearly didn’t have one this week. These last two weeks behind prison walls have been for me a crucible of Satanic attacks from all sides. I am simply not made of the stuff of Benedict the Beloved and his predecessors all the way back to Simon Peter. When I am sifted like wheat, I sometimes feel dismay at the ever-growing pile of chaff that remains.
Each day since my post last week has been like walking through a gauntlet. Due to the nature of the place where I must live, I am unable to write openly about some of the more painful days in prison and the sometimes devastating losses we without clear human rights must endure. Suffice it for now to say these losses have been many, and great, and in the last two weeks they have been magnified and deeply felt. Yesterday, I sent a cryptic message to those who help produce These Stone Walls telling them that I don’t think I can write a post for this week.
Yet here I am, writing nonetheless. I wonder if our Pope Emeritus felt so alone and stranded in the days leading up to the painful decision I wrote of in “The Sacrifices of a Father’s Love.” It has been especially difficult for me in these days of hardship and suffering to hear news of factions and the sometimes petty squabbling of Catholic critics who seem far more invested in being critics than in being Catholics.
There is an outside chance that you may see news of white smoke in Saint Peter’s Square this week, possibly even by the time you are reading this post. A part of what I am feeling and going through while writing this is eerily similar to the events of eight years ago, in April of 2005.
That was one of my most trying months in over 18 years of wrongful imprisonment. Just a month or so earlier, I learned that a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist for the world’s largest newspaper, The Wall Street Journal, had completed a lengthy investigation of my 1994 trial and the charges against me. I knew that the findings were going to be published sometime that April, and I knew it would be a lengthy two-part article about the role played by money – that other American deity – in the claims against me and perhaps some other priests. As one writer put it, “The Journal devoted more space to that story than to any Nobel laureate in history.” I also knew that these articles might be painful for those in the Church tasked with dealing with the crisis in the priesthood.
That was a trying time for me because I did not want to again be a source of pain and scandal for the Church – not even a necessary one. Then, suddenly, Pope John Paul II died. I’m not certain of it, but I have always wondered whether Pope John Paul’s death and the Conclave to follow may have even delayed publication of those explosive Journal articles lest the two Catholic stories collide.
I put the coming articles out of my mind completely as I watched with great sadness, in April, 2005, the Mass of Christian Burial for the Holy Father presided over by his good friend, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger. John Paul was elected Pope in the first month of my seminary training, and had been the Church’s Holy Father throughout all the years of my priesthood. As pallbearers lifted his coffin for the last time to descend into the tombs beneath Saint Peter’s, I found myself sobbing for the first time in all my years in prison. I rarely can cry – even when I have good reason, and it’s not just me. Men in prison rarely cry.
I had that same lump in my throat two weeks ago – and so, likely, did most of you – as I watched that helicopter ascend above Saint Peter’s Basilica on February 28, fly across Rome, and out of sight. The most haunting image of all was that of the helicopter bearing our Pope Emeritus above the Roman Colosseum, an image of stark contrast between the time of Caesar and the time of Benedict, and the Church that has lived for all the time in between. Many early Christians sacrificed their lives there in Caesar’s Colosseum that the Church might live. The suffering of Benedict the Beloved hovering over that ancient symbol of Christian sacrifice was overwhelming.
WHITE SMOKE . . . WELL, SORT OF!
Then on April 19, 2005, I was glued to a small TV screen in my prison cell as two men I knew and greatly admired – Cardinal Avery Dulles and Father Richard John Neuhaus – hosted EWTN’s coverage of the Conclave to elect a Pope. There was some confusion. At one point Father Neuhaus declared that the smoke coming from that Sistine Chapel stovepipe was neither black nor white, but a strange shade of gray. Habemus papam? Father Neuhaus wasn’t sure.
That tense moment seemed to stretch on and on. Then the announcement came, and excitement built, and following closely upon it on that April 19, 2005, emerged Pope Benedict XVI to the cheers and joy of millions and the cynical dismay of a few. Those few managed to harness a secular media ever poised to sensationalize darkness and slander. Some of that slander against Pope Benedict was similar in tone and content to that used against another papal predecessor falsely slandered as “Hitler’s Pope.” The Church was persecuted under that and other such slander against Benedict the Beloved for eight years. In spite of all, the legacy of Benedict is his intellectual brilliance. It has been the lampstand in a city on a hill for his entire papacy.
Then, back in April of 2005, just a week after that Conclave ended, The Wall Street Journal published the two-part “A Priest’s Story” that dusted the cobwebs from my trial, convictions and imprisonment, and opened the doors for another view of justice – hopefully by both the State and the Church. The details were not flawless, but the story taken as a whole was vastly unlike anything the secular mainstream media had done to date on the crisis in the priesthood.
These past weeks have so vividly reminded me of that time. I just saw a news headline on ABC News declaring “The next Pope will have weighty issues in the Church to deal with.” Think about that. Could you imagine a news headline declaring that the Pope will NOT have weighty issues to deal with? Has there ever been a time in over two millennia of Church history when the Pope had an easy go of it?
I once wrote in “Inherit the Wind: Pentecost and the Breath of God” that the Church began in scandal while the very first papal act was to defend the Apostles against a slanderous crowd’s claim that they were drunk in public at 9:00 in the morning on a major Jewish feast when the Church was barely ten minutes old (Acts 2: 14-16). It was the same Peter, once called Simon, who was admonished by the Lord that Satan wanted to “sift you like wheat.” It was the same Simon Peter who stepped out of the boat amid the wind and the waves and was admonished by Christ to never again let his faith falter (Matthew 14: 28-30).
It is this same Peter who emerges on the horizon in Rome as a Pope for the New Evangelization. Amid our own wind and waves, and all our anxious cares, he and his successors are the living evidence of something essential for the Church. Pope Benedict concluded in his book, Jesus of Nazareth: Holy Week, through the Cross the path to God is open, and the mission of Peter is to witness to the risen Lord. It was what defined his mission, and shaped the nascent Church.
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Mary Fran says
July 26, 2014 at 4:20 PMIt seems to me, Fr. Gordon, that you guys (and by you guys, I mean you and Pornchai) go from one crisis or ordeal to another. And you have faith, the Blessed Mother and St. Michael on your side. What happens to those prisoners who are faced with crises or ordeals who DON’T have any faith? How do they handle them? Or are all these ordeals and trials saved for you two because you are especially hated because of the good you do? And not by prison powers that be?
Bea says
March 16, 2013 at 1:39 PMBlessings to you, Father Gordon, our “priest of Christ”.
Today we remember Bl. Luigi Orione (1940) whom Pope John Paul II described as “Entirely and joyfully the priest of Christ, he traveled all over Italy and Latin America dedicating his life to those in greatest suffering from misfortune, want, and human wickedness.” A year before his death, Bl. Luigi stated the essential program of his life: “to suffer, be silent, pray, love, crucify oneself and worship.” What challenge! May his intercession give you strength and courage to face each new day, Father Gordon. But please do not stay silent. We need to hear your voice.
Michael says
March 15, 2013 at 9:07 PM“Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Matt.5:11-12
Sharon Morris says
March 15, 2013 at 4:30 AMGood Morning, Father Gordon. Thank you for writing this week’s blog, when you thought you could not write.
When Pope Francis came forward in his simple white garments and refused the garments they wanted him to wear; When Pope Francis bowed for us to pray for him; When Pope Francis headed out early and unexpected to pray: when he took the cardinal’s bus to check out of the hotel himself and asked for his own bill; when he took time to say hello to the people at the hotel; when in his town, he cooks for himself and takes the ordinary man’s bus and refuses to live in the Cardinal’s Palace; When we see this Pope, When I see the Pope, I know that you will not be forgotten, Father Gordon. This Pope has come to show us how to remember.
Mary Elizabeth says
March 14, 2013 at 7:52 PMThis Lent bears on and sometimes seems it will never end. So many ungodly things have hit the fan this season, I can hardly keep my glasses clean anymore.
At home here, I and my family have had much to deal with regarding sickness. The things going on constantly before us in the media, in the world, in the Church all add to our discontent. We have loved our Popes, most especially JPII and Benedict. I felt a kind of safety and security under their watch.Watching our Holy Father say goodbye has been hard for us all who love the Church. We understand all the reasons, and agree with him and admire his humility, but we still don’t like it.We have loved him and respected him so much.
And Fr. you too have your Lent cut out for you. I will never know how unbearable that is for you, but sometimes I feel the pain from the words you write. I know for sure that Jesus is carrying the cross for us, when we can’t any longer. That “Footsteps in the Sand” thing, you know.
Prayer is the key for us now. Obedience, Faith, Perseverance will help us go on.
And all the little phrases I learned long ago from the 12 step programs, One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, Let go and let God, and so many others help me through difficult times. Of course those little aspirations, like, Jesus I trust in You, are so invaluable when we need them.
I trust the Holy Spirit, who is guiding the Church. I love the Church and all she means to the world. The world will never appreciate her. Christ said so. I did not expect anything different from the secularists when our new pope was elected. They are true to form. The bad thing for you is that you have to listen to them because you don’t have other means of hearing news. I can switch on EWTN. And I can get away from people who are so discouraging, where you can’t.
I keep you in prayer as always Fr. Lent will soon end. And then there will be Easter. Thanks be to God.
Karin says
March 14, 2013 at 12:51 PMDear Fr. Gordon,
I will step up my prayers for you. I would tend to agree with Jeannie, that you are made of the stuff of Benedict, JPII, and Peter himself~more than you know. I also know that you are human and that what goes on behind those stone walls can and will try the best of men in ways I probably can’t even imagine. So I will pray along with all those that visit you here.
As for our new Holy Father. From all that I have read about him so far, I think the cardinals did an excellent job in following the promptings of the Holy Spirit. We here in the US have to deal with the negative secular press about the Pope as well.
It will be interesting to watch Pope Francis’ papacy unfold. In the mean time we owe him our prayers.
God bless, Father.
Domingo says
March 14, 2013 at 12:44 PMAfter reading your post on Pope Emeritus Benedict the Beloved two weeks ago, it occurred to me that Benedict saw the good of what praying can do for the Church today; that he knows it is the best thing to do at the present time. The Church needs someone who will really pray for her, and he offered himself to do just that.
Yes, we have a new Pope, Francis I, and I already like what I read of him.
Let us rejoice! Let our joy in the Lord be our strength!
Asking for your priestly blessings for me and my family,
Domingo
TSW Editor says
March 13, 2013 at 9:43 PMGeez, Father MacRae wasn’t kidding about the wind and waves. Father George Byers of Holy Souls Hermitage is vigorously responding to the instant backlash against our new Vicar of Christ. Please visit Holy Souls Hermitage and Fr. Z’s Blog for the discussion.
Suzanne
dympna says
March 13, 2013 at 5:58 PMGod bless our Pope Francis! And God bless you Fr. Gordon.
No doubt well have negative headlines here in Ireland,but God is good and our Church will survive with Pope Francis at the helm,and Benedict the Beloved sustaining us with his prayers.
Lionel (Paris) says
March 13, 2013 at 7:01 PMDympna,
He seems to be a man of prayer and of faith and this is essential.
The crtics show that he will be a good Pope…
Let us pray for him! LD
Jeannie says
March 13, 2013 at 5:40 PM(continuing)
We cannot share your pain exactly but Father, as we approach the real possibility of incarceration or martyrdom ourselves, do you know what your witness has done? I’m claustrophobic beyond belief and jsut thinking of your predicament used to make me nuts, but because of you I am able to see the evidence that God really does give us the grace to survive what we would normally not be able to survive. YOu were terrified a few years ago and now you are despondent and sorrowful, but that tone of terror is not there. If it is still within you it has diminished enough that you appear to have managed it somewhat.
There is no question but that this is a severe trial and you know better than most that has you are drawn nearer to that less taken path of sanctity the Enemy makes an exponential attack on you. His hatred of you is extreme because in the midst of his most profound persecution, designed to break you and suck you into the darkness, your one candle is burning bright. If Pornchai had been the sole result of your incarceration that would make you reason enough to enrage the enemy, but those foul mouths and misguided souls around you have only made you long more for God’s peace…NOT the enemy’s plan.
And now we have a Pope Francis and a likely refutation of the activist Jesuits, one of the longstanding bastions of corruption who are now to be faced with an orthodox who has faced the Argentinian Catholic in name only leader.
We are blessed and you are one of the reasons.
God bless you and bring you peace. I nkow that there are low moments. Does surviving them serve your faith? then god allows it. if it does not then it’s the enemy.
This life is so short and I know exactly how it feels to be so low that prayer tastes like ashes in your mouth. Pray anyway, those are the pure gold with God.
Oh but it’s tough not be able to give you a hug!
Karen says
March 14, 2013 at 9:49 AMWhat a beautiful response to this column and Fr. Gordon’s distress, Jeannie! Since I cannot think of a better way to express my own feelings and concerns for him that are similar to what you have just expressed, I will just add here that he is in my prayers! May he be encouraged by all who pray for him and strengthened by God at all times.
Jeannie says
March 13, 2013 at 5:39 PMFather Gordon, yesterday EWTN showed a program of Mother Angelica from back in 1996. I elected not to tape it since my DVR is about to strike as I put more and more conclave coverage on it.
Somebody had called in to speak of an extreme loneliness and whether this and an aridity were signs of grace withdrawn.
Motherr’s reply was so compassionate and yet she said it probably would not be a very popular answer.
Why would Christ not let His most beloved disciples experience the bitter loneliness of Gethsemane when everyone fell asleep when he so badly needed some prayers and moral support? when they fell back as he was being persecuted beyond belief?
I don’t believe that you are called to enjoy the bitter trials any more than Christ did, but to think that you are not made of what Benedict and others are is refuted by this column. You made your fiat to God and said, thy will be done and you have a column that defies the laws of contemporary culture, a runner up for best catholic blog and contrary to many priests who have no longer any priests supporting them you are regularly lauded by your fellow priests who thank you for your witness.
On another show, “Living right with Dr Ray”, a woman with 21 children, most brought from places where their impaired health or harsh upbringing made them unadoptable, mentioned that it was not easy and that she frequently sobbed in confession and sometimes even said it was nearly unbearable.
Her confessor started laughing.
She was startled and affronted, asking if she had said something funny.
He laughed again and said yes. If she was going to bring 21 kids to God who ELSE was going to suffer as much BUT her??
It brought her up short and changed her outlook from that point onward.
(cont)
Bonnie says
March 13, 2013 at 12:44 PMYes, Father we felt the same lump in our throats watching our Beloved Pope Benedict XVI leave. And then on our first trip out to a local store we had to hear several very secular people laugh and say “Yah, let’s cast a vote! Today is vote for pope day” and they laughed some more. It was all only a joke to them….I should pray for them….hard to do. I can only imagine that what you hear is ten times worse in prison.
But I know that our Beloved Pope Emeritus has and is now doing the Lord’s will. I like to think that he stands close and will be asked and will offer to our new Pope all his knowledge, insight and support. That would be truly valuable for us all. God Bless you Father and Pornchai too. We pray for you both daily.
Sup says
March 13, 2013 at 10:57 AMYou will like this. http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/head-of-select-clergy-apostatizes.html
Bernadette McK says
March 13, 2013 at 4:50 AMA beautiful post Father and once again it has reduced me to tears….
Here in Britain we have to put up with the negative comments on the BBC and their constant interviews with Catholic ‘experts’ giving their opinion on what the next Pope should do. (Ex-priests, ex-nuns, journalists for a certain ‘Catholic’ newspaper, anyone with an axe to grind, and even Hans Kung!) At least two Catholic blogs have pointed out this negativity the latest being the ‘failure’ to reach a majority after the first vote last night whereas anyone in the know knows that this would have been most unusual. But what does it matter – an opportunity for another negative headline!
And Father Gordon please remember you are not alone – you have so many friends around the world praying for you.