These Stone Walls

Musings of a Priest Falsely Accused

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A New Advent, a New Beginning, and Renewed Hope

The trials of 2017 came full circle at These Stone Walls with results we only dared to hope for. This Advent, we bring a story of hope from its least likely place.

“O come, O come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appear.”

Sometimes when I write, I unconsciously lapse into a style that can come across as academic. This was pointed out to me recently by a friend who read my post, “Origin by Dan Brown, Like The Da Vinci Code, Is Bunk.” As a book review, I was rather happy with that post. But my friend said it reads more like an academic essay than a blog post. “Sometimes you should just talk to your readers,” she wrote.

Looking over my posts of the last few months, I realize that I can sometimes lapse into a monologue to you instead of a dialogue with you. I would like to be able to write both, so this one is intended to be a dialogue. I know I have some built-in handicaps like being unable to have a give-and-take with readers in the comments box.

So for this post, I will ask the friends who help me with comments to be patient with me so that I can respond to your comments and questions within a day or so. That will mean some extra phone calls and the forbearance of those who help me type replies. I cannot always impose on them for this, but for this post, it’s a necessity.

I am very grateful to readers who take up the torch and respond in my stead when they have information that answers questions or challenges misconceptions of commenters. We just had a great example of the latter.

An important recent post for me was “Plea Deals or a Life Sentence in the Live Free or Die State.” You may have gleaned from its title that it includes the ironic State Motto of New Hampshire. It comes from the Revolutionary War when New Hampshire General John Stark gave a toast at a reunion of soldiers from the Battle of Bennington. His toast became the state’s motto: “Live Free or Die.”

The above post about the glaring injustices of my trial and sentence includes a quote from Larry Stirling, a retired California Superior Court judge Mr. Stirling had published a letter in The Wall Street Journal defending the practice of plea deals. Of the defendants to whom such deals are offered he wrote, “They might be criminals but they aren’t all dumb.”

Judge Stirling, who had obviously set up a “Google Alert” for his name, posted a hostile comment on my “Plea Deals” post that stirred up a brief hornet’s nest of responses from readers. They were on point, and I appreciated the “backup.”

Ryan MacDonald commented that he sent a link to that post to a dozen New Hampshire legislators and several other state officials. Not one even opened the link. He wrote that the post was read far more widely in Washington, DC than in New Hampshire where the story takes place. I do not seek justice alone, but justice and truth, and they should be inseparable.

But there is a lot more happening behind These Stone Walls than merely the physical limits imposed on my freedom. In recent snail mail, emails, and comments, a lot of readers have asked me for an update and posed questions that I have been unable to fully answer until now. Some developments of the last few months are astonishing and I am still trying to make sense of them.

SIGNS AND WONDERS

This post is intended to be a continuation of one I wrote some months ago entitled, “Pornchai Moontri at a Crossroads Behind These Stone Walls.” If you scroll to the end of that post, you will find many comments from readers who shared my awe in that story. Many wrote that it came at a time when they very much needed an account of a real-life miracle like the one described in that post.

I built up to that story in a number of previous posts that would require a lot of reading if you are new to TSW. So first, a brief summary:

The entire 23 years of my unjust imprisonment were lived in a stand-alone prison unit called “Hancock Building.” It houses 506 prisoners in six units known as pods and has the outward appearance of a prison within this prison. Most of the pods have cells that were constructed to house four prisoners each but now hold eight. For the unfortunate prisoners living there, access to the outside is extremely limited.

For my first seven years there from 1994 to 2001, I lived in that environment with eight to a cell. I lived there longer than anyone else because I maintain my innocence. In 2001, I was moved to a slightly better place within that building where we lived two per cell. Though outside access was still nearly absent, the next 15 years seemed more livable.

During that same first seven years when I lived eight to a cell, Pornchai Moontri was in the Maine State Prison where he spent those seven years in the bizarre cruelty of solitary confinement. You could read of that experience Pornchai’s own words in “Welcome to Supermax” at SolitaryWatch.com.

In 2005 Pornchai was transferred to the New Hampshire prison. A year later in 2006, we were thrown together with the utter weirdness of seven years in polar opposite prison conditions. I wish you could have been a fly on the wall for our earliest exchanges. As Felix Carroll wrote in his great Divine Mercy book, Loved, Lost, Found:

“Pornchai had no idea who he was dealing with, and he and Fr. Gordon’s first meetings were not particularly transcendent. ‘I was real hostile and told him I just wanted him to help me get transferred to a prison in Bangkok Thailand’ Pornchai says. Father Gordon told him to be careful what he asked for. ‘I won’t help you pursue something that will only further destroy you,’ he said. Pornchai was bewildered by this guy.”

Over the next ten years from 2006 to 2016, Pornchai and I journeyed to a level of trust, not only of one another but of Christ. That trust drew us into the spirituality of Divine Mercy. A few years later, in 2009, These Stone Walls began, and on the Solemnity of Christ the King in 2013, we embraced Marian Consecration. This was described by Felix Carroll in Marian Helper magazine in “Mary Is at Work Here.”

SPIRITUAL WARFARE

Then October 2016 brought a great upheaval. Due to changes in the prison, we were suddenly moved back to the eight-man cells. For the next year, we lived amid the violence and chaos of a prison culture that I had left 15 years earlier. As Advent began last year, I described the day we moved in: “It’s Advent: Can Your Vision Pierce the Darkness?”

It helped my spirits to write that post because at the time I was not so certain that our vision could pierce the darkness that lay before us. Finally, ten months later near the end of July 2017, I was moved to a far better place.

On the next day, Pornchai Moontri was also moved, but to a different place, and we lost contact with each other except for Sunday Mass in the prison chapel for one hour per week. For reasons you will read in a future post, our separation came at a critical time, and prospects for reuniting seemed dismal. I wrote of this in “Pornchai Moontri at a Crossroads Behind These Stone Walls.” Here is an important excerpt:

“Another week came and went, and another Sunday we met at Mass. After Communion, I asked our Patron Saint, Maximilian Kolbe, to guide us through this maze of prison. I prayed that Pornchai would be placed under the mantle of the Immaculate, and not lose hope. I showed him the Memorare prayer, and as I held it in front of me we prayed it silently:

“‘Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mazy that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, our Mother. To you do we come, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not, our petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer us. Amen.’

“Trust is hard won here, and trust in Divine Mercy – which often seems so elusive – is harder won still.

“But this is what makes turning this next page so improbable, so unexpected and seemingly miraculous. Such things simply never happen here. Three days after praying The Memorare that Sunday at Mass, with two full weeks having passed since our parting, I returned to my new quarters to find Pornchai Moontri living once again in the bunk above me. I cannot explain the how or why of it, and neither can he.

“I can only tell you that this was the result of a bizarre and unlikely series of behind-the-scenes events, with just the right people in just the right places at just the right times doing just the right things. Over a two day period, Pornchai found himself living in three different places until – through no effort of our own – he landed with me.”

That’s where our story was left in “Pornchai Moontri at a Crossroads.” Many readers were moved by it, and many responded with gratitude for its timing. This is a tough time for a lot of you. For some of us, our politics and our spirits have descended to new lows, and sometimes our society seems to be on a fast track toward self-destruction. Signs that God is indeed with us can seem fleeting, and far between.

NOVUS ORDO AD ORIENTEM

But the unlikely course of events that reunited us against seemingly impossible obstacles did not end there. At the time Pornchai and I finally landed in the same place, a far better place, we at first lived in bunks out in the open in a recreation area.

It was a vast improvement over where we were for the last year, and we were among friends so we counted our blessings. The place where we landed – Pod 3B in Medium Security South – has 24 prisoners and about 20 of them are friends we have known for a long time. There is no place where we would feel more welcomed.

But we also knew that we could not stay there. Our friends there are all long-term prisoners and no one was preparing to leave. We knew that the next available cell space would be at least four years away. Finding a cell with both bunks available would be impossible. And even if we wanted to, we would not be able to live out in an open dayroom for four years.

Pornchai and I knew that we might have to settle for simply being in the same unit while living in two different pods. Over the next few months, we were both approached five times by prisoners in other locations whose cell mates were leaving. We both turned down the offers to move in with them, but I can’t really explain why. Something told me we should watch and wait.

Then, suddenly just weeks ago, one of the prisoners where we live was returned to a Massachusetts prison after being in that one cell on our pod for 27 years. I was offered his bunk in that cell, but I asked that it be given to Pornchai instead. He was having a harder time sleeping out in the open.

Two weeks later, another domino fell somewhere else. A prisoner was unexpectedly moved in the South unit. This started a chain reaction of requests to move. One of the requests came from Pornchai’s new roommate who said that a cell with his friend on another pod came open and he asked for it.

Once again, what seemed impossible happened right before our eyes. On November 17, Pornchai and I became roommates again. This week, I was able to retrieve my Mass kit from the prison chaplain one year after parting with it when we moved to the eight-man cells. I wrote of this other painful parting in “The Sacrifice of the Sacrifice of the Mass.”

In the year 1576, Saint John of the Cross was imprisoned by his own Order for attempting to bring about monastic reforms. He was imprisoned in a tiny six-foot by ten-foot cell. It was there that he wrote the great spiritual classic, The Dark Night of the Soul. After reading about this, I took out a ruler and measured our new cell. It is six-by-ten feet.

That’s 60-square feet that now must be sleeping quarters, a kitchen, a study, and a living room for two grown men. But our dark night of the soul will not be written there. We had to add an altar as well. Late on the First Sunday of Advent, just under a small cell window facing east, I offered Mass for the first time in over a year, and our world is at peace.

Note from Father Gordon MacRae: Our Mass is offered late Sunday night for the readers of These Stone Walls. Please share this post, and if you like it, please also read and share these other Advent posts from prison:

 

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Comments

  1. Hi Fr. G–Reading this post now made the tears start flowing again . . . I stay away from Catholic blogs in December as it’s very hard for me to see God as loving, tender, etc. during that month. December is the cruelest of months for me because of all the anniversaries of deaths of loved ones, especially our infant son, David, on Dec. 7, 1995. David died at 21 weeks gestation because a perinatologist deemed him “expendable” because he was our sixth child. He died from a condition that could have been corrected even in 1995 via in utero surgery at a hospital in our city. The permanent separation from loved ones becomes nearly-unbearable during Christmas as it’s overwhelming–so many reminders, traditions, etc. Like you, I can be at Holy Mass only on Sundays as the Meniere’s Disease makes it impossible to be at a Mass where babies & small children cry & scream. Being able to join spiritually in your Holy Mass is a great comfort to me. I’m so glad you are able to offer Mass again! You’re so right about the help that Our Lady will provide if we can try to open our hearts to her. She’s stepping into my life more & more now, & I’m gradually letting down the defenses that have kept her at a distance. Thank you for so many necessary reminders, Father! God be with you & Max during 2018! You’re always in our prayers!

    Reply

  2. Dear Father McRae
    Its been awhile since I read your posts/blog, and I am so happy I found you while “surfing” the net for some good Catholic blogging. I also used to faithfully read Father George Byers until he closed his blog. I’m surprised and pleased to know you two are friends (as a result of missing your blogs I have missed a great deal from then to now.
    I am perplexed, because I thought I read awhile ago that Pornchai left prison and went somewhere? Thailand? not sure. I have a great deal of “homework” to do to catch up what has happened since last I read your blog. God works in strange ways!!!!!!!! for you and Pornchai ad for me, finding you again.

    God Bless and keep you
    Our Lady of Guadalupe bless you and Pornchai

    Reply

    • Welcome back Judy. It’s great to have your presence here again. Yes, Pornchai is still here with me and his deportation to Thailand is still about one year away. I hope you will keep reading as we have been on quite a journey. And a little update about Father George David Byers. Since being appointed as a Missionary of Mercy by Pope Francis, he has been blogging at a new site, “Arise, Let Us Be Going.” If you search that title in quotes I am certain you will find him. With Christmas Blessings, Father Gordon.

      Reply

  3. Dear Father Gordon, Pornchai Max and fellow inmates,
    This certainly is a time to be thankful to God for the positive events of last months, both spiritual and material.
    Your writing, Father Gordon, your own life and that of you, Pornchai Max, and the rest of you in the house are all a such a great inspiration! My life has much more meaning thanks to you all. Please, keep it up.
    Have a Holy Advent and an enriching Christmas.
    May God’s blessings fill you, Father Gordon, Pornchai Max, and the rest of you in the house as well.
    In union of prayers,
    Juan.

    Reply

  4. Greetings Father MacRae! It’s been a year since I read your blog, but I have not forgotten you. I include you & Pornchai in every Rosary I pray. Recently I have been wondering about Pornchai; if he had gone back to Thailand yet, or if you had been separated from each other. I’m glad I took the time to read this post, because it answered both questions I’ve had on my mind for months. Please tell Pornchai I still have the wooden box he carved, with the praying hands. I bought it years ago when you posted about his carving talents. I will always keep you both in my prayers, and I pray that you both have the strength & the fortitude to endure what God has set before you. It’s a heavy cross, and you bear it well. God bless.

    Reply

    • Thank you Georgia and welcome back. Max remembers well the keepsake box he made for you. We had been separated and so I’m glad you’ve read that story. Over the last two years there has been some ongoing investigation of all that happened in Thailand and the U.S. The rest of the story is phenomenal and will hopefully be coming soon. With Christmas blessings, Father Gordon

      Reply

  5. Dear Fr. MacRae,
    I am happy for you and Max. God DOES work in mysterious ways My emotions go all over the place when I read your story and your blog, and all the bleakness that you have to go through. First of all my anger towards your bishop and fellow priests from your diocese. I did sent the bishop an e-mail a couple of years ago citing what Christ said about visiting those in prison, but didn’t hold my breath waiting to hear from him. I would be dead now. I try to say the Memorae for you every day, but I’m known for my inconsistency. Please know that I think of you very often. I want you out of there. and pray for your release soon.

    God Bless You.

    Reply

    • Thank you Karen. At least you are in good company in your inconsistency. I am right there with you. It’s easy to be hard on the bishops and sometimes that’s the one thing I’m consistent about. I have just finished a Christmas post for December 20 about this very topic.
      With Christmas blessings, Father G.

      Reply

  6. Dear father Gordon I have not been reading your post lately and I have not written for sometime . I see through your post you have a true heart of a shepherd . You truly are a pastor for a lot of us who read your post.you give us a blessing all the time in a place that is the opposite of light. I must confess I have not prayed for you and max. I try to pray the rosary. It’s something , when I pray the rosary all is well even if some days are dark. I will pray for you and max.my dear brother in CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD MAY HIS GRACE MERCY AND PEACE BE YOURS IN ABUNDANCE. P.S. Your post always inspire me and encourage . GOD OUR FATHERS BLESSINGS FOR YOU AND MAX.AMEN.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Kevin. And I’m glad to have you back here. When I was a child my grandmother told me that if I fall asleep praying the rosary my guardian angel must finish it. I got lots of sleep but my guardian angel did not. With Advent blessings, Father Gordon

      Reply

  7. Lord,
    we thank you
    We praise you.
    You have heard our prayers, thru the intercession of Padre Pio, granting
    that Gordon and Max be again re-united around the prison cell altar,
    that Gordon can resume celebrating your Sacrifice, the Mass to redeem us all, incarcerated for cause and the ones falsely accused and sentenced.

    Padre Pio, we knew and we know we can depend on you.
    What a heavenly gift full of Bethlehem light and song of hope:
    Gloria in excelsis Deo and peace to men of good will.

    Reply

    • I’m so glad to hear from you, Pierre and I am working on a letter to you. I hope our readers know that Pierre is Pornchai Moontri’s godfather and is visiting the U.S. from Belgium. He was also acquainted with Padre Pio and the great Belgian Priest Father Georges Lemaitre. God bless you, Pierre. Father Gordon

      Reply

  8. Dear Fr. MacRae –
    That’s wonderful news. We have been praying for both of you.
    May you have a safe, happy and Holy Christmas.
    Pete H.

    Reply

  9. Thank you, Father Gordon, for mentioning the picture above as being Father George David Byers at Lourdes, France, on the Solemnity of the Assumption in 2008. I did not recognize him. What a wonderful gift he gave by restoring the Traditional Mass at Lourdes. This is quite impressive. Bless you, Father George.

    What an undertaking, Father Gordon!! You’ve just about answered everyone of these comments. Boy, when you do something, you do it ‘big time’. God bless you and all of your ‘angels’.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Helen. Father Byers is actually reading these comments to me and typing this reply. His service to Lourdes mirrors his far greater service to the priesthood and the Church and not even to mention his service to me out beyond the periphery. With Advent blessings, Father Gordon

      Reply

      • I know that Father George is a great service to you. He is indispensable and I know, well appreciated. Thank you for sharing about him. You two always assure me, along with Max, that when I am here, I am in the presence of Saints.

        Thank you, so much, for sharing. Jesus hold you and further your ministries.

        God send His greatest blessings to you,

        Helen

        Reply

  10. Dear Fr. Gordon,

    Wednesday after Wednesday, specially since August when you talked about your change to the new quarters, I am amazed to see what God has been planning and setting in motion for you and Pornchai Max. I am so glad you can celebrate mass again.

    I’m surprised about the comment that you should “talk to your readers” – to me, your posts feel as a conversation (even if I don’t comment) in which we get short glimpses of your life: shocking, piercing the heart, and yet with so much strength, hope and light behind your words.

    Continued prayers!

    Reply

    • Thank you, Maria. Sometimes the graces we are looking for can blind us to the ones we are actually getting and they can be more profound. It’s something to think about in this year of grace which began this Advent. With thanks and blessings, Father Gordon

      Reply

  11. This is absolutely wonderful news, Father Gordon. May your difficult times be especially blessed and may you both be rewarded richly for your ministry behind these stone walls.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Bea. One of the great mysteries is that living beyond the periphery in the dark could become an opportunity for ministry. It is not where I want to be, but it is where I am. With Advent blessings and thanks, Father Gordon

      Reply

  12. I was just recently wondering what the status was on your ability to offer Mass, what with the upheavals you’ve been dealing with recently. I am glad to hear that you are once again able to offer the Holy Sacrifice and look forward to joining my prayers with yours during that hour.

    Reply

    • Thank you Anastasia. Part of the upheaval is that every piece of paper must be packed away every time I move and one of them is a letter from you for which I am most grateful. I finally came across it and will reply in time. With Advent blessings, Father Gordon

      Reply

  13. Dear Father Macrae,

    On Monday last week, November 27th, around 3 in the afternoon, I found myself looking for vocation information for a friend and came across the website of the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration in Tonopah, Arizona. I looked around and found that they especially pray for priests before the Blessed Sacrament and have an online form to ask for specific intentions for priests during their adoration.

    I immediately thought of you – and for some reason I felt it particularly important to ask them to pray that you would be able to offer Mass again.

    Next week look what I find.

    11PM ET – I’ll be joining in that Holy Hour during your Mass.

    Reply

  15. Even more happy that you are together, I am happy that you can again both have mass in your room, that you can say mass, and he can attend. Praised be Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother! It bothered me so much that you couldn’t say mass anymore and I am so happy to hear that everyone’s prayers have been answered.

    You are both, as ever, in my prayers. Joseph, Skooter, Michael and all of the rest also remain in my prayers. God bless you!

    Reply

    • Thank you Jose. That means a lot to me. Sometimes I sit in front of this typewriter and wonder what on earth I am going to write. Then the day after I mail it I wonder what on earth I just wrote. So sometimes it is a surprise to me as well. With blessings,
      Father G

      Reply

  17. I am so happy that you are once again able to offer the Sacrifice of the Mass and Ad Orientem too facing your own East window. Wonderful news and you will be surrounded in spirit by so many of your readers.
    Readers may be interested to know that the photo above shows Fr George David Byers celebrating Mass on the Feast of the Assumption several years ago in the Underground Basilica in Lourdes.

    Reply

    • Hi Bernadette, I’m always glad to hear from you. Yes, that is indeed Father George in the photo, and it was a very special occasion at Lourdes. It was only by accident when I noticed the morning sun blazing in my window that I am facing East and the only place in that tiny cell where I can offer Mass. With blessings,
      Father G

      Reply

  19. Ok Fr. Gordon–you did it. You brought me to tears. I have felt deep sadness over the past year as you journeyed through the difficult living situations but mostly because you have not been able to say Mass. I will send this post to some priests who are very dear to me and I will ask them to keep you in their prayers and hopefully they will have a deeper appreciation of their ability to say Mass whenever they want.
    Love you Fr. Gordon–you too Max.

    Reply

    • Thank you Claire. I have learned that absence makes the heart grow fonder and that is something that every priest should keep in mind. The threats to our faith seem dire right now but the Church has been here before. Priests should never take the Mass for granted. With blessings,
      Father G

      Reply

  20. As Helen wrote in her comment, He never ceases to surprise us. The photo of the Mass that appears on this post is that of our friend Father George David Byers at Lourdes, France, on the Solemnity of the Assumption in 2008. He was responsible for restoring the Traditional Mass at Lourdes. There were well over 7000 people at this Mass, quite different than my ad orientem Mass in our 6′ by 10′ cell. It is a great honor to have this image on this post at These Stone Walls. With Advent blessings in this year of grace, Father Gordon MacRae.

    Reply

  21. Thanking God for you and Max…it is so inspiring to know that you celebrated Mass again….my constant prayers are with you both. Such an amazing turn of events….may the Newborn Savior bless you and all of your followers. Never miss an opportunity to share and post all you write…..

    Reply

  22. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Father Gordon, Max, I hope (as we all do here) pray for continued harmony in your stay at that particular oasis. (lol). I love it when God’s plans come together. He surely has been busy with you and Max. Although He is a miracle-worker, He never ceases to surprise us, does He? Go figure!!

    God bless you two roomies and may many more miracles be available to you both. Thank you for this wonderful story. It does my heart so good when your living conditions improve.

    (Wishes we had some egg nog to celebrate and toast you).

    Until later, Skater

    Reply

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