Mrs. LaVern West, a lovely woman in Cincinnati, has for several years helped me to send an annual letter of update to friends. I mentioned last week (“Angels We Have Heard on High“) that I wrote a Christmas letter to friends last year that never got mailed. I had slumped into a dismal Christmas depression last year – a reaction to loss upon loss. No doubt, you can relate. We’ve all been through it.
The days before Christmas are a busy time for most people. I asked a friend to suggest something I could write for a short Christmas post for These Stone Walls. She suggested that I post the Christmas letter I wrote last year and never mailed. I can’t think of anyone I would rather send this to than the readers of These Stone Walls. Here it is:
Christmas 2008
Dear Friends,
May grace and peace be with you. Your letters and prayers over the last year have sustained me in prison, and have been a gift that I cannot begin to repay.
I wish I had news of our ongoing effort to complete an investigation and legal review of my trial, but it’s a long, slow process that has kept me mostly in the dark. I’m told that it takes a good deal more evidence to get a man out of prison than to put one in.
This is my fifteenth Christmas in prison. I cannot pretend to make any sense of where I am or of how long I have been here. So many others have come and gone from this prison while I remain. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning Dr. Viktor Frankl wrote that he was alone among his family to survive the horror of Auschwitz.
When a young prisoner came to Dr. Frankl in the throes of despair, he was cautioned not to “waste grace.” Dr. Frankl advised him that his days of suffering must be offered for the family he may never see again. It’s a difficult concept for someone on the wrong end of injustice, but the young man was transformed by that advice.
So was I. It does not save me from darkness, but it gives the darkness a meaning and purpose known only to God. I now end each day with a prayer:
Eternal Father, I offer to you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, of Your dearly beloved Son, our crucified Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for my sins and the sins of this world. I offer You this day in prison, and whatever suffering I have endured this day, as a share in the suffering of Christ. I make this offering in spiritual support of (name).
If you are receiving this letter, then I have placed your name on my calendar to offer a day here for you. It is all I have to give as a gift.
Through the small barred window of my cell, I can see the high prison wall topped with row upon row of razor wire. It has been my view of the outside world for more than fourteen years. The view faces west. On this cold and gray December day, the sun is setting behind that wall, its final glimmer of light just now fading from view. I am reminded of my favorite prayer, a verse by the Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman:
Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom, Lead thou me on;
The night is dark, and I am far from home, Lead thou me on.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will; remember not past years.
So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent
Till the night is gone,
And with the morn those Angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile.
Many of the Christmas cards that now adorn my cell wall tell of a Light shining in the darkness. You have cast a light into the darkness and spiritual isolation of prison this year. It’s a light magnified ever so brightly, in my life and in yours, by Christ.
The darkness can never, ever, ever overcome it.
Erin B. says
March 1, 2011 at 7:50 PMFr. Gordon,
I thank you for your prayers. Do not think that prayers offered for one another are an insignificant gift. What gift could possibly be greater?
I really like the idea of offering up the joys and sufferings of a day for a particular person. I think I might get my calendar out and do the same!
thank you for your inspiration.
Mary says
December 28, 2009 at 7:56 PMDear Father,
Thank you for the beautiful gift of your prayers for us. The prayers of “the Suffering Servant” have great power. Sometimes the friends we lose through death have even greater power to sustain and srengthen us even though we miss their physical presence and with living friends even the tyranny of distance or incarceration cannot prevent their love and prayers going out to the one who is loved.
Your powerful writing and heroic carrying of your cross is an inspiration and a help to all who read “These Stone Walls”
Kristin says
December 28, 2009 at 1:16 AMFr. Gordon,
I have just discovered and read through this site–be assured of my prayers and support! May God bless you this day and always, and may the light of Christ always comfort and guide you!
Sharon says
December 27, 2009 at 6:49 AMDear Father Gordon. My Christmas gift to you is to try to take some steps on my end to help move your freedom from a dream to a reality. I’m not a lawyer, I don’t have money, but I have a will…and when there is a will, there is a way.
Alone, we can do so little, but perhaps, together with all of you other readers, we can take some “new little steps” this new year…some untravelled steps to bring freedom. God is really good at taking our “littleness” and turning it into something “big”. My first step is to write this.
My second step is to ask all of you readers to pray and consider what “new step” you could make or commit to today for this new year. Maybe we should ask….hat can WE do together this year that could make a difference for Father Gordon? Inspiration comes quietly. Let’s listen.
Msgr. Michael says
December 26, 2009 at 2:49 PMDear Father Gordon,
It is the day after Christmas and I am preparing for a funeral in a few minutes. I hear the mourners lamenting as is usual in these country parts. It will me, as people say here, “very mournful”.
Thank you for your beautiful post and the “letter that was not sent” which you decided to share this year. I feel privileged you published it. Your last line sums up everything: darkness can never ever ever overcome the light of Christ.
I offered my midnight mass for you and your intentions. Thay you may regain your freedom and testify to the Light ! On Christmas morn I prayed for so many people, especially the youth who are “free” and yet imprisoned in so many things.
Merry Christmas !
your brother priest in the missions !
MM says
December 26, 2009 at 1:31 AMMerry Christmas Fr. Gordon!
Thank you for sharing your letter with us. May God’s love abound in your heart this Christmas and throughout the year.
Peace and prayers!
Jan says
December 25, 2009 at 8:36 PMDear Fr Gordon
just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today christmas day and my prays are with you.
god bless you
love
Jan
Jan says
December 24, 2009 at 8:42 PMDear Fr Gordon
Thank you so much for the post. I consider it a priviledge to be here among you and to be able to offer support however,flimsy. Please know you are in my thoughts this Christmas eve and at my church this evening I was allowed by my Reverend to lead a special prayer for you.
I have told your story far and wide! No one escapes me. Please find comfort in the fact that you are thought of with love and respect across the widest boundries of our countries. I pray that 2010 brings new hope and justice for you Father and above all freedom.
with love and blessings
Jan
Mary says
December 23, 2009 at 9:51 PMDear Father G
I hope and pray that you and all the others who share your current residence have the most peaceful and serene Christmas given your situation and that despite the economic restrictions the kitchen manages to provide a decent Christmas meal to brighten the day. I hope the prison has reasonable heating the weather is pretty severe!
To think poor Mary and Joseph were in a stable on the night of His birth such a quiet and modest entry into the world for our Saviour and how cold and empty would the world have been if he had never come.
Thank you for your wonderful example pf priestly fidelity and your uplifting writing .
Patricia says
December 23, 2009 at 7:24 PMDear Fr. Gordon,
And your light shines through our darkness too!!! May an army of angels be with you this Christmas and guard you and protect you
and comfort you.
Your offerings and spiritual support sustain us.
Peace be with you Fr.
Patricia I.O.L.
JMJ
Karin says
December 23, 2009 at 10:30 AMDear Father,
Thank you for sharing this letter with those of us who read your blog. The verse by Henry Cardinal Newman is beautiful and I pray that it continues to fill you with hope and some comfort.
As this letter was not originally intended for your blog, I consider it a privilege and a grace to have been able to read it.
You will be in my prayers. I pray you will be permitted to say a Christmas Mass but if not know that mine and my Communion will be offered for your intentions.
Have a Blessed Christmas!
Bernadette says
December 23, 2009 at 5:56 AMDear Fr MacRae
Thank you for sharing your letter with us – your virtual parishioners.
May Cardinal Newman’s words continue to give you hope and be assured that there will be many people thinking of you at this Holy time.
May the Christ Child bring you comfort to replace despair and
may the prayers of Mary Our Blessed Mother sustain you.
God Bless you Fr MacRae. With the assurance of my prayers.
Bernadette